Dumb Songs Cage Match: Lady Gaga vs Adele vs Rihanna!!!

So there are 3 songs on the radio right now that perplex me. I am, unfortunately, a prisoner to my kids and their taste in music and I have find myself listening mindlessly to plenty of pop music lately but the other day I actually listened to the lyrics of a few songs that were being played and…seriously? Who is writing these lyrics? I want THAT gig. That’s a job that ranks up there with TSA agents and weathermen as far as I’m concerned because these lyrics make NO sense. So which ones are dumber? Let’s take a look…shall we?

Lady Gaga – “Marry The Night”

I’m gonna marry the night,
I won’t give up on my life.
I’m a warrior queen.
I’m gonna make love to the stars.
I’m a soldier to my own emptiness.
I’m a winner.

Um…DUMB!

Adele – “Set Fire To The Rain”

I set fire to the rain,
Watch it pour as I touch your face,
Let it burn when I cry,
Cause I heard it screaming your name, your name
I set fire to the rain,
And I feel lost into the…
Cause I knew that was the last time
The last time, oh, oh!

In all fairness, my wife pointed this one out to me. But she has a point. As deep as this TRIES to be…it’s still pretty stupid.

Rihanna – “We Found Love”

Yellow diamonds in the light
And we’re standing side by side
As your shadow crosses mine
What it takes to come alive

It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny
But I’ve gotta let it go

We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place

(Continue to repeat endlessly and add a terrible techno beat)

So there you have it…3 popular songs on the radio and 3 stupid lyrics that you have probably been singing along to and didn’t even realize it. Which one is the dumbest of them all? YOU DECIDE!!!

(But my money is on Gagag…)

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Tunes From ITunes: April Showers Bring May…Showers?

Waddaya mean we’re rippin’ off “The Lonely Island” guys?!?!

Damn all this rain! All over our country, the weather is keeping us from doing the one thing we ALL enjoy and that is…cruising with our tops down and our music cranked up! If we get any more rain, I might have to attach floaties to my house and hope for the best. Either way…I’m good to go because I got ITunes and it has been SMOKIN’ the last couple of weeks! ALL KINDS of new releases from bands that I love and so…without a care in the world…I present this months mix of GREAT MUSIC!!!! Prepare for a flashback….

Raphael Saadiq – “Heart Attack” (R&B)
Oh yeah…THIS one is gonna be burning up my IPhone for the rest of the summer! Nothing better than classic R&B and Raphael is in a class of his own with this return to that classic retro sound. Go here if you wanna hear it! It’s HAWT!!! To recommend anything less than buying the entire album would not do Raphael’s work justice. Get the entire album…it’s worth it!

Mat Kearney – “Hey Mama” (pop)
Catchy and smooth, kinda like a milkshake at the local ice cream shop.  Got a great hook and Kearney is one of those under-appreciated artists who deserve a big hit!

The Cars – “Free” (rock)
Thankfully, the new Cars album doesn’t suck! It’s actually a very strong return to form for this great alt-rock 80’s band! So with much pleasure I give you MY favorite track off “Move Like This.” Classic Cars and will please all of their fans! If you like this, the lead single, “Sad Song,” is also great and you can also buy “Keep On Knocking” or “It’s Only.” RIP Benjamin Orr…your talents would have made this album even THAT much better…

Jennifer Lopez – “(What Is) Love?” (pop)
You can put it down now…this will be a big hit. Look for it burning up pop radio in 5…4…3…2…1…

The Lonely Island featuring Michael Bolton – “Jack Sparrow” (comedy)
Not only is this a great song with one of the most ridiculous (big, sexy) hooks I have ever heard, it also features a classic 80’s artist making fun of himself. It’s a great return to form for Bolton who could use a little of the limelight and his ability to laugh at himself makes this that much more entertaining! Check it out! You can also get the SNL classic “Motherlover,” “After Party” or “I Just Had Sex!”

Kram – “Satellite” (alternative pop)
Not surprisingly, I get a lot of my music from movies and this track is featured on one of the better movies from last year. If you haven’t seen “Easy A”, you should. It is an homage to the great John Hughes films of the 80’s with more modern music! This is my favorite of the bunch!

Katie Cole – “Gravity” (rock)
Not surprisingly, I get a lot of my music from the boob tube also and this track is featured on the latest Movado watch company commercial. Relatively unknown, Katie Cole reminds me of some of the great female rockers of the 90’s. You can’t get this song on ITunes yet but if you’re on Facebook or Myspace you can download it for free! Go get it and wish her well…she’s got a great future ahead of her!

Dum Dum Girls – “He Gets Me High” (rock)
Speaking of great female rock artists, here’s the latest from this retro rock all-girls band. After last years excellent album, “”I Will Be,” I will listen to anything Dee Dee and the girls pump out and this track is excellent! I’m digging the girl bands right now. When is Metric gonna release a new album??? Oh well…this EP will hold me over…for now.

Beastie Boys – “Here’s A Little Something For Ya” (rap)
O…M…G…This track is TEARING up my CD player in my car!!!! A complete return to form for our favorite New Yorkers and the beat in this one is GUARANTEED to make your ass shake! I’m thinking you’re gonna be hearing this one on the radio (I hope, I hope, I hope…) this summer. It’s just too damn good to NOT listen too! Welcome back Boys! We missed ya! I also downloaded the Santigold featured track, “Don’t Play No Game I Can’t Win” and their pre-released single “Make Some Noise.” All 3 are CLASSICS! Here’s “Make Some Noise”…

Music Soulchild – “Single” (R&B)
Not gonna lie…this track reminds me of something Keith Sweat might have done. Smooth R&B with lyrics that have a little bit of a “grass is always greener” tilt to it. I like it but it doesn’t blow me away. Check it out though!

Other Lives – “Dust Bowl III” (alternative)
Straight from Stillwater, Oklahoma, you can feel the desert heat and the dry wind in your face when this band plays. I got a lot of love for this sound and I totally love this song. I also downloaded “For 12.” Reminds me of Chris Isaak only darker…MUCH darker…

Dredg – “The Thought Of Losing You” (alternative)
Average alt-pop track that gets somewhat repetitive. I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it either. But the band sounds tight and I have hopes that maybe I’ll hear something better from them sooner or later.

Raekwon – “Rock ‘N’ Roll” (rap)
This is a slow burn with featured artists Ghostface Killah & Kobe Honeycutt. I dig it but it’s for rap enthusiasts only.

Medina – “Addiction” (dance)
If you like dance tracks by Jennifer Lopez and Lady Gaga, this will fit in your playlist! I picture this one getting airplay at your local dance club. I like it!

Foo Fighters – “Bridge Burning” (rock)
So the new Foo album is out and I ran out to get it and right out of the gate, the first track is this one. I swear…I couldn’t hear for 2 days after cranking it OUT in my car. Unfortunately, as much as I WANTED to love this entire album, THIS is the best track on it. Great hook, Dave Grohl’s vocals are excellent and everything just works! As for the rest of them album, there’s nothing wrong with it…I guess I just was expecting something fresher. Instead, it’s classic Foo and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But I was hoping for something new, I guess. I dunno. I’m very confused…

Nicki Minaj – “Here I Am” (rap)
Everyone LOVES Nicki and I have to admit, I’m a HUGE fan of hers when she’s a featured artist on other artists’ tracks (see Kanye West’s “Monster” for one of the best raps EVER by a featured artist! She tears it up!), but I can’t really say I love her album “Pink Friday.” That being said, I don’t know that she made the album to cater to a 40-something white male. So what I can say is I really like this track which has a smooth R&B tip and cool piano. Dig it!

Uh…yeeeeah….

SURPRISE SONG OF THE WEEK THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD HATE BUT I DON’T: Lady Gaga – “The Edge Of Glory” (pop/dance)
Okay…here’s the thing…THIS track belongs in an 80’s movie final credits. Think “Footloose” (which is being remade as we speak. Maybe this song will end up on the soundtrack?) with a dance hook. I am gonna go on record as saying this is my…(cough)…favorite…(ack)…Gaga song. It even has a saxophone solo in the middle. It’s like she knew how to finally get to me. I hate you Gagag! But I DO like this song…dammit.

WORST SONG RELEASED IN THE PAST 3 YEARS: Lady Gaga – “Judas” (doesn’t matter. It sucks)
So to counter the surprise that is “The Edge Of Glory” I am back to my bashing of Gagag. This song is easily the WORST in her collection. I don’t know if it’s gonna be released on her to new album or what but whoever decided to release this below average B-side should be smacked in the face with a 2×4.  Not only did they release it just before Easter, but the lyrics and the music are just horrible! The Gaga backlash lasted a second and then the song was gone. Thankfully. But I would love to point out the fact that Madonna released a sex book with her naked throughout most of it earlier in her career so…this is just as bad.

Lady Gaga Is A Marketing Genius…And A Thief

For months now I’ve been arguing that Lady Gaga is nothing original. I’ve been “discussing” my feelings ad nauseum over on “A Round World” since over a year ago. If anything, she’s a thief, a recycler of ideas. Another example of her lack of originality appeared recently in the form of a video that is straight-up a ripoff of Quentin Tarintino. Her vision for her latest video called “Telephone” is what some might call an “homage” to the B-movies of the 70’s. It’s a long video and flashy with lots of skin and sexual innuendo. Not exactly a video for kids. However MTV is airing it (albeit edited for tv) and now anyone can watch it online.

So now I have to ask…what is it with this artist that everyone loves so much? I watched this video and it is nothing that hasn’t been done before (I actually found it to be hysterical. She looks absolutely retarded through most of it with pop cans in her hair and outfits that would make a martian blush). She’s wearing Madonna’s bra from the 1980’s. She’s stealing riffs from other songs. She’s oversampling her voice. Everyone argues that she writes her own songs. They say she has talent, that she studied music in New York, that she is a proficient piano player, that she is an outstanding pop influence. I don’t get it. I call “bullshit”. I rate her only as a marketing genious, because frankly everything else about her is fake. Her music has all been done before. Is it catchy? Yes. In some cases. I think “Bad Romance” might be one of the worst songs I’ve heard in years. But “Paparazzi” is catchy. So is “Telephone” for that matter. But it’s nothing that a generic artist like Ke$ha can’t do. It’s watered-down pop electronica. And it’s not all that good watered-down pop electronica.

So I’ve been arguing and trying to make my point. Everyone has been giving me crap about the fact that I won’t let it go. They say I spend to much of my time obsessing about this artist. But seriously…you can’t look anywhere without seeing her and her stupid outfits and ridiculous hair. You can’t turn on the radio without hearing one of her 5 hit songs that Clearchannel has apparently decided it needs to play in order to sell commercial time. People LOVE Lady Gaga. Or do they?

What is YOUR take on the Gaga? Have we ever seen someone who shows up at award shows dressed in balloons and muppet attire. Oh wait…that’s right…Bjork did it in 2001 when she arrived at the Oscars in a swan dress. Ok…then have you ever heard anything like her before. Oh wait…there are plenty of artists who are making this kind of music, from Kascade to Goldfrapp. Ok then…I’ve never SEEN anything like her before. Oh wait…there was a certain blonde singer in the 80’s & 90’s who used her sexuality as a sticking point and fired up critics with a book of images of her naked. All of the arguments over her sexuality seem to be what is keeping Gaga in the limelight. And maybe THAT is what has me so confused. Because I don’t really care about her sexuality. If she’s straight. Fine. If she’s gay. Fine. If she’s a hermaphrodite. Fine. I’m not having sex with her…so why do I care? What I care about is the music and the influence she has on teenagers. And in THAT realm…she’s a fake and a lousy role model.

Call her what you want but if she’s all that, then why does hide behind the synthesized sound? Why does she take her ideas from other artists? What is it about her that YOU like so much? Because I’ve been listening to the loonies over on my other site for months and it’s time to open up a more adult forum about this. Plus I got nothing better to do right now. So go at it. Gimme your thoughts on the Lady Gaga. Is she all hype with no substance or am I completely wrong and she’s the next best thing since sliced toast?

Aaaaaand go.

“Imma Be” VS “Bad Romance”

Through all my years, I’ve heard plenty of bad music before. I’ve survived everything from Starland Vocal Band to Skinny Puppy. But here lately, pop radio has hit an all-time low with these songs that seriously make me want to stick a hot poker in my ears. I can’t recall there EVER being such terrible music on NON-STOP on the radio in all my days. I cannot get into my car, turn on the radio and NOT hear either of these god-awful songs being played on ClearChannel station A, B, C, D or E. It’s gotten SO obnoxious that I felt I HAD to write about it. And this is where YOU get to play along.

So…which one SUCKS more?

I mean, they are both terrible. From the opening “Ra Ra Ra” cheer of “Bad Romance” to the opening “Imma be (repeat 300 times)” of “Imma Be”, there is very little redeeming about either song. Except for possibly the catchy refrain of “Bad Romance”, I would go so far as to say there has never been 2 worst songs on pop radio. And I might be wrong there. I’m sure, through the years, there HAD to have been 2 songs that charted on Billboard’s Top 100 that sucked, but I wonder if they ever got the airplay of these 2 songs combined?

So VOTE now! And unlike American Idol, it doesn’t cost you a dime. Just post your feelings in my comment section and together maybe we can start a revolution! NO MORE CRAPPY MUSIC!!! It’s OVER already! Let’s move on!

And a message to Clear Channel…PLEASE MAKE IT STOP?!?!  If you’ve been trapped under a large rock for the last 4 months, here are these 2 songs in all their glory. But a disclaimer: I take no responsibility if this noise makes you want to leap screaming from the nearest skyscraper.

I considered it…but I have kids.

Ugh…just awful…

A Letter To Christina

Dear Christina Aguilera,

For the last 11 months I have been screening all kinds of comments from Lady Gaga lovers about how I have misinterpreted her and her music and how it she is the hottest new artist to hit the scene in decades. Quite honestly, I’m tired of hearing about her. I wrote the original post way back in March of 2009, and since then it has been nothing but a barrage of people telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about. They say I hate pop music and that I am close-minded. Most of those who respond to the post don’t even bother to read it…but whatever. I’m just tired of hearing about it. When I go to read my email every day and there are 4 or 5 comments from Gaga fans defending her product, it just wears me out. So here is what I am writing to ask you…

I hear you have an album coming out in 2010 (“Light & Darkness”…due out in March). I realize that you have been busy having babies and all and that you are going to be a little rusty upon your return, but could you do me a favor and make this next album of yours so freaking awesome that it buries Gaga’s crappy songs off Top 40 radio and once again returns the airwaves to a place for even the most defiant pop haters to want to come back and listen?

Now that might SOUND a little harsh, but I’m sick and tired of hearing the same 4 songs on the radio everytime I turn it on. Granted, it’s not Gaga’s fault that the only thing that the radio conglomerates want to play are 3 of her latest tracks and then a Jay Z song, possibly a Beyonce song and whatever Rihanna song is hot today, but I’m still sick and tired of it. And here’s the deal…YOU have the chops and the rhythm to put all of this crap to shame.

Oh sure…you’ve gone through your sexual identity crisis and you’ve gone back and expiremented with bebop and 50’s pop and what not, but you and I know that when it gets right down to it…you’re the real deal. You don’t need electronics and generic beats to highlight your amazing voice. You have got it going on and you seem to have your head on straight. You married an upstanding guy. You are a good mother (as far as we know) and you are a beautiful person. People respect you. The industry respects you and your fans are all waiting with baited breath for your new songs to be released. I don’t know that I’m holding my breath, but I sure as hell can’t wait to hear what you have to offer considering how bad pop music is right now.

So this is a plea…froma 40-year old pop fan…PLEASE make this new album of yours fucking awesome because, quite frankly, I am about to give up on pop music altogether. I have seen the possible future and it looks very bleak. Only YOU can save it! So…no pressure or anything…but please don’t let it suck.

That is all.

Thanks & looking forward to your new album,

Alan